What happens when you stop comparing yourself with others?


Social media has really made a dent in how people perceive others. Comparing ourselves against the explosion of materials can be really draining. While comparison can be a valuable source of motivation and growth, it can also cause us to underestimate or overestimate others and ourselves.

The downside of using others as a benchmark for your worth is the overestimation of their achievements, their looks, their lifestyle, and it really kills your self-confidence and self-belief.


Overestimating others is usually based on emotional insecurity- your belief, your bias, and your prejudice.

No matter what, there are really people who will excel and be better than you in some aspects, everyone is different. With the mix of genetics, background, influences, and resources coming into play- it is expected that some are bound to be better at some things and you might be better at other things.

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When you compare yourself to others, you are often comparing yourself to an idealized, unrealistic version of that person. What we forget though is we see the highlights, not the tears and the struggles this person had to go through. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, the difference is that some use them to their advantage, and some waste them away.

“Comparison is the death of joy” – Mark Twain

If comparing is how you evaluate your worth, you will always be losing. In this game of life you will never reach a point where you are better than others in every way and why would you want to be?

The Damage of Comparison

  1. The Side Effect caused to your Being Research has found that comparing breeds feelings of envy, low-self confidence, and resentment.
  2. Assumption and Inaccurate Information Nowadays, life is a filter. An edited version of someone’s reality. Assumptions can kill your spirit and Inaccurate facts lead you astray.
  3. Does not Support your Goals Ruminating about how someone else is better looking, has more friends, or is more successful than you is both time-consuming and ineffective.
  4. Rose Colored Glasses are Illusions Sometimes we put people on a pedestal, which subconsciously puts us on a lower level- this usually leads to disappointment: Expectation vs Reality

Part of what makes life awesome and interesting is learning from the success of others. Instead of trying to be as good as or better than others, focus your energy on being the very best version of yourself. 

  • Cherish your own Uniqueness
  • Work on your strengths and weaknesses
  • Practice Self-Love
  • Self-Acceptance is crucial
  • Be Accountable for your actions
  • Do more, Be more, so you can live more


This sounds more like an insecurity issue rather than a perfectionist issue. When you do not have confidence in your own capabilities, you will start underestimating yourself. Your overall thought process can be controlled by negativity which leads to assumptions.

Analyze your thoughts, when comparing yourself with others, it’s natural to assess where you stand with regards to everyone else, but what’s the conclusion that you are arriving at?

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right” Henry Ford

Self-doubt can be a result of a few failures in life and can cause one to lose confidence. Everybody goes through hardships and challenges, the difference is in your choices- understanding, accepting, changing perspective, and making a decision to never give up is the best recourse.

Don’t let your past failures prevent you from achieving your goals.


Setting the Bar

Excerpt from Awdhesh Singh, Ex-IRS|IITian|UPSC Educator|Time Management Coach

  • If you set the bar low, you can always jump over the bar and never fail.
  • If you increase the height of the bar, you start failing more frequently

It is extremely painful to fail in life as you have to suffer criticism, comments, and humiliation after every defeat. You get demoralized and feel humiliated.

Some resort to the solution of reducing the height of the bar so that they never fail. However, If this is your belief, then it means you don’t have the courage to fail in life because as long as you are scared of failures, you can never win any game of life.

The only way to realize your true potential is to fill yourself with great ambition and beautiful dreams. Be ready to fail if you want to win in life. If you don’t try to achieve what you deserve in life, you have already conceded defeat.

Mahatma Gandhi, “First, they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

What you can do

  1. Challenge negative thoughts. 
  2. Make a list of your positive traits.
  3. Stop unhelpful self-criticism or insults.
  4. Avoid comparing yourself to others.
  5. Limit your social media use.
  6. Acknowledge that it is necessary to make mistakes.
  7. Have clear goals.

Don’t think that the people around you are better. We all have the same amount of time each day, we all have the same body parts – You have a brain, everyone has it, you are unique and you have your own special gifts. So give yourself a chance in life, you deserve it!

Here’s an interesting secret of success: Experts say- Successful Entrepreneurs surround themselves with team members who are smarter than they are, they don’t let their ego get in the way, there are no insecurities in play- they understand their weakness and their goals and that means choosing the best people for the job. If they can think this way, you can too.

Once you have made the decision to stop comparing yourself to others then it’s time for the next step: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION




  • Reply Alex November 4, 2021 at 9:57 am

    Oh gosh! Yes, yes, yes to Social Media being the crux of a burgeoning mental health problem amongst women trapped in this self-comparison thing. I’ve deleted the apps from my phone and now am very INTENTIONAL about any time I spend on FB – i.e., logging on to check specific things only and I built a self-hosted community off of facebook for my business.

    I’ve also really come to accept myself – faults and all – and I really like myself. I don’t want to sound like a “big-headed wanker” – in fact, isn’t it sad I’m even excusing myself to you for actually saying that I like myself?

    It’s a work in progress… always will be.

    • Reply Lani November 6, 2021 at 8:07 am

      Hi Alex,

      I like what you said- Being Intentional – I should work on that, thanks for the tip!

  • Reply Headphonesthoughts November 4, 2021 at 3:14 pm

    Its hard to stop comparing myself to others. I have learned that its good to see yourself as an individual and not to see everything wrong about me or what makes me different from everyone else. Comparing is not a good habit and its good to not compare myself to others.

    • Reply Lani November 6, 2021 at 8:05 am

      Hi Headphonesthoughts,

      I totally agree with you but I must admit it can be really challenging.

  • Reply Anita November 4, 2021 at 4:43 pm

    It’s tough sometimes not to compare yourself to others when we’re bombarded with information online. I don’t think it’s good for our mental health, so I try to avoid it. I also love your statement “Be ready to fail if you want to win.” So true. Great info. Thanks!

    • Reply Lani November 6, 2021 at 8:04 am

      Hi Anita,

      Thanks for your comment. Comparing ourselves to others, overestimating them, and underestimating ourselves is a real virus and social media is perpetuating it. We need to practice self-love and self-acceptance.

  • Reply Nicole November 7, 2021 at 11:38 am

    I think it is great you are advocating to stop comparing yourself to others. I think the problem when you do that, especially with social media, is you don’t know how far someone has come to get where they are. It takes hard work to meet your goals. If you are starting something new, you are not going to be as good as someone who has been at it for years. I am in a lot of yoga groups and I have to remind myself, I have only been at this 2 years. Of course I can’t do some of these advanced moves, but it is something to aspire to. Finding a supportive community instead of comparing is so important.

    • Reply Lani November 7, 2021 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Nicole,

      Thanks for your comment. I totally agree with you on all points- even the yoga, I am in the same space as you.

  • Reply Krysten Quiles November 8, 2021 at 6:22 am

    Learning to stop comparing yourself is SO IMPORTANT. This is a great post!

    • Reply Lani November 10, 2021 at 8:57 pm

      Hi Krysten,

      Thanks so much for your comment

  • Reply Cori November 10, 2021 at 9:40 am

    I totally agree that with social media these days it is hard not to compare yourself to others. I only get on Facebook for my business and I don’t have Instagram or Twitter accounts. I try to stay away from things that cause me to compare. But it still is hard. Great read!

    • Reply Lani November 10, 2021 at 8:56 pm

      Hi Cori,

      I totally agree with you. It’s really a challenge, I always try to remind myself that most are really just filtering.

  • Reply Tamera-YourChristianBestFriend November 12, 2021 at 2:48 pm

    Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s so hard not to compare ourselves to one another. But I actively take my thoughts captive and remember that I’m just as amazing too. It’s so freeing.

    • Reply Lani November 14, 2021 at 6:58 am

      Hi Tamera,

      Thanks for your comment. Indeed you are an amazing person and you are more than enough

  • Reply Kaybee Lives November 12, 2021 at 4:56 pm

    Love this! I totally agree that social media is doing bad things to mental health and we need to figure out better ways to manage the repercussions in your life. Thanks for sharing a great post!

    • Reply Lani November 14, 2021 at 6:57 am

      Hi Kaybee,

      Thank you so much. I 100% agree with you. The filters people use in social media are really damaging. But instead of comparing ourselves and keeping up, we should just focus on bettering ourselves and that is authentic!

  • Reply Veryl March 28, 2022 at 12:00 pm

    This is a challenge for many people, me included. Great lessons and insights.

    • Reply Lani March 30, 2022 at 5:01 am

      Hi Veryl,

      Thanks for your comment. I totally understand where your coming from. I actually wrote this post because I wanted to stop comparing myself to others. I’m glad you got something out of it.

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