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How to change your social circle and upgrade your life

They say that in order to upgrade your life you have to surround yourself around successful people, does this mean you should say goodbye to all your unsuccessful friends?

To be clear we’re not talking about financial success alone. The definition of success differs from person to person, there are those who are successful in family life, in career, in business, most of which are living life on their own terms. However, there are also those who are living life monotonously, those who just go with the tide and accept whatever life has to offer, leave it up to chance, and give up pursuing their dreams.

It’s common for us to underestimate the importance of the company we keep. Our values, morals, beliefs initially stem from the family we’re born with, our environment, and our community. But as we grow older we unconsciously or consciously shape our own circle, we make choices based on our values, beliefs, and influences.


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If you are reading this, you might be like some of us who were late bloomers and didn’t understand the value of the circle of influence. We later realize the fact that we form friendships and relationships based on our level of consciousness, we choose to associate ourselves with like-minded people or we attract people of the same kind. Like the saying “Birds of the same feather flock together”.

If you haven’t noticed you are unconsciously influenced by the people you surround yourself with: You suffer when surrounded by negative people and benefit when you surround yourself with positive people.

Famously, Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”

Another great read: IF YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF THE SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE: ITS TIME TO BE ACCOUNTABLE

Does upgrading your life mean that you have to say goodbye to your old friends?

Obviously being physically around successful people is most ideal. Especially when those people are replacing people who:

  • Have no goals, dreams, aspirations
  • Uninterested in personal growth
  • Negative mindset and blames everyone else
  • Has Excusitis- a mental disease of MAKING EXCUSES 
  • Unmotivated and Lazy
  • Waiting for life to hand them opportunities on a silver platter

When you remove these types of influences from your circle you will notice an immediate change and massive impact on your mindset and life as a whole.

“The only thing that will change your life, change your business, change your relationship, is that you must raise your standards,” Tony Robbins.

Get rid of the negative individuals who bring you down. Surround yourself with people who empower you, those who will lend you the knowledge to grow and learn from your mistakes, those that encourage you to go after your dreams, and become the person you want to be, and live the life you want to live.

Creating and Updating your circle

1. Identify the people in your life who are bringing you down.

The best way to determine who these individuals are is to think about how you feel after spending time with them. Our emotions are great predictors- If a friend focuses on negativity in themselves, others, and life as a whole; If they’re bringing you down with them; If they have no intention for a better life then it’s time to move on.

2. Determine your reasons

After you have identified relationships that are detrimental to your growth and success. It’s time to understand your reasons for letting go so that you can change your mindset and free yourself. It can be uncomfortable to step away from relationships. You don’t want to burn bridges, especially with friendships that have lasted for a long time. It’s important not to feel obligated. As your life changes it’s inevitable that some friendships eventually fade.

Tip: You don’t need to drop or ghost them you can take the slow road of distancing

3. Retaining & Building new connections

From time to time we all need to make difficult decisions. Once you decide to change your life, don’t hesitate to take the high road and do what’s necessary.

Don’t fret- hopefully, you won’t need to say goodbye to all of your friends. You will find that there is an acquaintance or a friend that excels in one aspect and that could be a great influence for you. You may have friends who are also desperate for change. Of course, you can also start building new relationships.

The peers that you surround yourself with are influencing who you are right now and who you’re going to be in the future. When you actively choose to surround yourself with people who make you happy and who share your ambitions, it elevates the standard of what you will or won’t tolerate in your life.

As the saying goes, “Who you spend time with is who you become.”

New beginnings: finding your influences

When you focus on your personal growth, you will eventually find yourself with opportunities where you are surrounded by other successful people.

Most of the successful people that I’ve been able to surround myself with are mentors, mastermind groups, and coaches. That’s because my “successful friend search” left me with only 2 individuals. So don’t give up, there’s always the internet, although some are paid services, you will find a lot of free information online.

Successful people are everywhereeven if they are not personally there.

Where to find them:

  • Read books/ listen to audiobooks
  • Watch and Share videos
  • Join social media groups
  • Post on a personal blog and comment on other blogs
  • Watch podcasts and participate in other platforms
  • Some support groups or mentors give free advice and content 24/7
  • If you have the financial means,then hire a coach or a mentor
  • Don’t forget to take notes and incorporate it in your life

Another great read: WHY LIFE BAGGAGE CAN RUIN YOUR FUTURE: TIME TO DECLUTTER

9 types of people you should surround yourself with

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1.  Ambitious people who dream big

Surround yourself with people who have dreams, goals, and aspirations. They are those who strive to be better, they work with their vision, and their goals are aimed towards a better future.

2.  Not afraid to step outside their comfort zone

Ambitious people make it a habit to feed their minds. They take classes, attend seminars and workshops. They raise the bar by learning from mentors and people who are good at their craft. They understand that failure is the best teacher. They face fear and take bold risks to continually push themselves out of their comfort zones. 

All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone.

Tony Robbins

3. The action takers

You can find a lot of people with brilliant ideas but they fail to bring those thoughts to life. It is the action takers or the doers, those who put their plans into action, who succeed in accomplishing goals and translate their hard work into success.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you to overcome procrastination and fear. The more you practice taking action the less power fear will have over you.

4. The problem solvers.

Problems and obstacles are inevitable. Problem solvers focus on finding out ways to solve the problems. They understand that problems have solutions, obstacles show you the right direction, and failure is temporary.

Problem Solvers know there are lessons to be learned and more reasons to keep on moving forward.

5. Those who strive to move forward

You will find that there are those individuals who are on the same journey as you. They have big dreams, they long to develop themselves and succeed in life.

You can reach out to them, develop relationships, have meaningful conversations, discuss issues, ask for advice and seek their help when you feel stuck.

6. Role models.

Surround yourself with people you admire, look up to, want to emulate. By learning from them, you can get into the winner’s mindset, you start to believe in yourself, you develop self-confidence and this can impact your life tremendously.

7. Authentic people

Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. They may be your family members, friends, colleagues, or associates—anyone who has an open mind, a balanced view, and can provide authentic feedback.

8. People with a positive mindset.

It’s important to have a positive support group. Those who can boost your morale and keep you positively afloat when the going gets tough.

9. People who raise the bar higher.

Stay around people who constantly raise the bar higher. These are individuals who don’t stop when one goal is achieved, they are not satisfied with one-time success, instead, they go forward to the next big thing. They are ever moving. After all, for them, success is an ongoing journey.

In Conclusion:

You cannot change the people around you but you definitely have the power to choose the people who can influence you and who can make an impact on your life.

So choose to spend your time with successful people. Find someone who is already getting the results you want. They have a strategy for success, whether they know it or not, and by surrounding yourself with them you may be influenced and can develop a similar strategy. Sometimes, we just need a little push in the right direction because we don’t know what we are capable of until we see others achieve.

Here’s another great read that can help you in your process of change: EXPERTS SAY SELF-LOVE AND SELF-CARE: NOT A LUXURY BUT A NECESSITY

SHARING IS CARING

10 Comments

  • Reply Michelle September 23, 2021 at 10:15 am

    Wow! This topic has been on my mind a lot lately. Needing a change to step up my social circle and get moving in the right direction instead of no direction at all. Thank you!

    • Reply Lani September 24, 2021 at 8:48 am

      Hi Michelle,

      Thanks for your comment. I hope this post will help you in some way.

  • Reply Evie September 23, 2021 at 11:40 am

    Such an interesting read. I always try to surround myself with uplifting and forward moving people. You list of 9 people to surround yourself with is pretty eye opening for me as I think about each of my friends and where they fall. Thank you for the different perspective.

    • Reply Lani September 24, 2021 at 8:47 am

      Hi Evie,

      Sometimes we can be unaware of the influences we have around us. I have learned to be more mindful. I’m glad you understand my perspective, hope it helps.

  • Reply Fransic verso September 23, 2021 at 3:55 pm

    Great tips! Need to at least consider one in your life from this type of people. It will help you to succeed.

    • Reply Lani September 24, 2021 at 8:44 am

      Hi Fransic,

      Thanks for your comment. I totally agree with you.

  • Reply Jodie | That Happy Reader September 24, 2021 at 9:51 am

    What a thought-provoking post! I love to surround myself with positivity and value the friendships and alliances which provide this. Thanks for sharing.

    • Reply Lani September 25, 2021 at 6:19 am

      Hi Jodie,

      I absolutely feel the same way as you. Thanks for your comment.

  • Reply Kaybee Lives September 30, 2021 at 12:43 pm

    I love this challenge! I identified some friendships that were draining and dragging me down last year and have made some specific efforts in my life to let them go and find some positive vibes to replace them. It is a hard decision to make, but can be a huge life upgrade.

    • Reply Lani October 1, 2021 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Kaybee, I had the same predicament as you. It’s really hard to let go of friends but, if they’re draining you- I just don’t see the point.

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