Being authentic isn’t selfish. It’s survival.
A year ago, I said yes to a project I had zero interest in. The client was impressive, the money was good, but the work? It made me feel empty. I took it anyway because I thought I should. Because it looked good. Because saying no felt… wrong.
I spent three months pretending to be excited about work that drained me. Smiling through calls. Performing enthusiasm I didn’t feel. Ignoring that voice in my head saying, “This isn’t me.”
By month three, I was exhausted. Not from the work itself—but from pretending. From wearing a mask. From showing up as someone I wasn’t because I thought that’s what successful entrepreneurs do.
Then I had a moment of clarity. I realized I was building a business and life that looked impressive on paper but felt hollow to live. I was so busy being what everyone expected that I’d forgotten who I actually was.
That’s when everything changed. I started saying no to projects that didn’t align with my values. I stopped posting content just because it was trending. I let myself be honest about what I wanted—even when it didn’t fit the “boss babe” mold everyone else was chasing.
And you know what happened? My business got better. My energy returned. My confidence grew. Not because I became someone new—but because I finally stopped pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
If you want to dive deeper, here’s a post on 9 Work-Life Boundaries You Need When Working From Home
Why do so many of us build lives that look good but feel wrong—and how do we break free without burning everything down? It starts with understanding what living authentically actually means (and what it doesn’t).
What Does Living Authentically Actually Mean?
Living authentically means aligning your actions with your core values and beliefs. It’s not about being brutally honest all the time or saying whatever pops into your head. It’s not about rejecting all social norms or burning bridges.
It’s about making choices that feel true to who you are. Even when those choices are uncomfortable. Even when they don’t look impressive to others.
According to Psychology Today, when you live authentically, you stop performing. You stop pretending. You stop molding yourself into what you think people expect. You show up as yourself—imperfect, evolving, real.
For women entrepreneurs, especially, this is crucial. We’re constantly told to “show up professionally” and “maintain our brand.” But what if your brand is just… you? Unfiltered. Honest. Human.
9 Steps to Live Your Authentic Truth
1. Stop Performing—Start Noticing
You can’t be authentic if you don’t know who you actually are. Start paying attention to when you feel energized versus drained. When you’re excited versus unenthusiastic.
Your body knows the truth before your brain admits it. Notice the disconnect. That’s where your authentic self is hiding.
2. Identify What You’re Pretending
Write down 3 things you’re currently doing that don’t feel like you. Maybe it’s posting certain content. Maybe it’s showing up to events you hate. Maybe it’s agreeing with opinions you don’t hold.
Name the masks you’re wearing. You can’t take them off until you acknowledge they exist.
3. Get Clear on Your Non-Negotiables
What are you absolutely unwilling to compromise on? Your mornings? Time with family? Creative work? Rest? Write down your 3-5 non-negotiables.
These become your authenticity anchors. When decisions come up, check them against these. If it violates a non-negotiable, it’s a no.
For help identifying what truly matters to you versus what you think should matter, check out 9 Ways To Easily Redefine Your Goals for a Successful, Fulfilling Life
4. Practice Saying No Without Explanation
“No, that doesn’t work for me.” Full sentence. No justification needed.
Authentic people don’t over-explain their boundaries. They state them clearly and move on. Practice this. It gets easier.
5. Share One Honest Thing Daily
Start small. Share one honest thought, feeling, or opinion each day. Not performative vulnerability—real honesty.
“I’m overwhelmed today.” “I don’t actually like that.” “This is harder than I expected.” Small truths build authenticity muscles.
6. Stop Asking “What Will People Think?”
Replace it with: “What do I think?” Every time you catch yourself worrying about others’ opinions, redirect to your own. What do YOU want? What feels true to YOU?
This mental shift takes practice. Keep redirecting. Your opinion of yourself matters more than anyone else’s.
7. Surround Yourself With People Who Know the Real You
Authenticity is exhausting when you’re surrounded by people who only know your performance. Find at least 2-3 people who see the real you—messy, uncertain, imperfect—and still show up.
These relationships remind you that being real is safe. You need that reminder when the world demands perfection.
8. Review Your Life Weekly
Every Sunday, ask yourself: Did I live authentically this week? Where did I pretend? Where was I really? What do I want to do differently?
This weekly check-in keeps you accountable to yourself. Not to be perfect—just to be aware. Awareness creates choice.
For a structured way to review your week and stay aligned with your authentic self
I use the Mindful Morning and Evening Planner it includes weekly reflection prompts.
9. Permit Yourself to Evolve
Being authentic doesn’t mean staying the same forever. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to outgrow old versions of yourself.
Authenticity is about being true to who you are NOW. Not who you were. Not who you think you should become. Now.
Authenticity Is a Practice, Not a Destination
You won’t wake up one day and suddenly be 100% authentic in every area of your life. That’s not how this works. Living authentically is a daily practice of small, honest choices.
Some days you’ll nail it. Some days you’ll catch yourself performing again. That’s fine. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s awareness. It’s making one more authentic choice today than you made yesterday.
When you commit to this practice, something shifts. You stop exhausting yourself trying to be what everyone expects. You start building a life that actually feels like yours.
That’s not selfish. That’s the whole point.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it possible to change how others perceive me?
While you can influence others’ perceptions, true change starts from within. Embrace your authenticity, and the right people will see you for who you are.
What if being authentic means going against societal norms?
Authenticity often requires breaking free from the mold. Remember, the most extraordinary individuals are often the ones who dare to be different.
How can I overcome the fear of judgment?
It’s natural to fear judgment, but remember that it’s a reflection of others’ perceptions, not your worth. Focus on being true to yourself.
What role does self-compassion play in authenticity?
Self-compassion is the foundation of authenticity. It allows you to embrace your imperfections and treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
How can I inspire authenticity in others?
Lead by example. Live your truth unapologetically, and you’ll inspire others to do the same.
8 comments
Hari
I completely agree that how we judge others is the way we judge ourselves. Being authentic is a choice and although society plays a role in how we see things, we can change our perceptions with the help of our experience and wisdom. Awesome read!
Lani
Hi Hari,
You’ve expressed a profound insight. Our judgments of others often mirror our own self-perception. Choosing authenticity is a powerful step towards personal growth. While society can influence our views, our experiences and wisdom allow us to reshape them. I’m glad you found the read valuable.
Susan
I feel that most of us judge ourselves more harshly than we tend to judge others. I know I have done so in the past. Now, I accept and embrace the fact that I’m human.
Leilanii RivillaAuthor
Hi Susan,
You’ve shared a very relatable insight. It’s common for us to be our own toughest critics. Accepting our humanity and being kind to ourselves is a powerful shift. If you ever want to discuss more about self-acceptance or any other topic, feel free to reach out. Remember, you’re deserving of compassion and understanding, just like anyone else.
McKenna
The very first thing that I learned while pursuing my communications degree was that society shapes the perception we have of ourselves. Understanding this can be a game changer. Thanks for such valuable information!
LaniAuthor
Hi McKenna,
You’ve shared a powerful insight. Recognizing how society influences our self-perception is indeed a significant revelation. It’s a crucial step towards understanding and shaping our own narrative. I’m glad you found the information valuable. If you ever want to discuss more about communication, self-perception, or any other topic, feel free to reach out. Here’s to continued learning and growth!
Sienna
Interesting that the way we perceive others is how we perceive ourselves. I try and self reflect but I can also be a bit judgemental so lots of work to do to still really reach self discovery!
Sienna
Interesting that the way we perceive others is how we perceive ourselves. I try and self reflect but I can also be a bit judgemental so lots of work to do to still really reach self discovery!!!