Do you sometimes feel like you’re not being yourself? Like you’re hiding who you are? Like your trying to be someone your not?
We all want to be accepted, we long to belong but a lot of times we find ourselves in a dilemma. There is that fear and insecurity that others may not like or approve of us thus making us cover up who we truly are.
It’s draining to play a different role for every audience you come across during the day, it’s easy to lose track of your true self. Have you tried looking at yourself in the mirror and asking “Who are you?”. You lose track of who you really are, and when you fight against yourself, guess who loses? YOU!
Standards of an Imperfect Society
Sadly, society has set a standard that is really not applicable to everyone. And because of this, we set the bar too high or too low for ourselves- We like to compare, compete, judge and worse give up and thus we wear that mask tight each day. We forget that everyone has flaws including the people we perceive to be perfect, we are all unique, we all have limitations and everyone makes mistakes.
Do you know being fake comes at a high price? Yes, It will cost you your self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love. Simply accepting the person you are- your strengths and weaknesses and being proud of yourself is critical to your health and happiness.
Traits of people who don’t accept themselves and lack self love
- Your happiness is dependent on others
- Playing the Victim role
- Constantly seeking approval of others- Indecisiveness
- Blaming others for all their misfortunes
- Criticizing and judging oneself harshly
- Ashamed of oneself- low Self-Esteem.
- Lack of trust and belief in oneself- low Self-Confidence
- Lack of Self-Acceptance
Pitfalls of Pretending to be someone you’re not
Shape-shifting your personality to fit who other people think you is a sure-fire way to wreck your self-esteem. How could you be confident in who you really are when you’re making such a supreme effort to hide your genuine self from the world?
I understand why people put in the effort to please others, I mean who doesn’t want to be liked and accepted? but if you’re bending over backwards in an effort to make every single person happy, you need to knock it off. People-pleasing is an exhausting activity that is killing your one and only you.
Nevertheless, some people will disapprove of you no matter what you do? So learn to be comfortable with yourself, accept yourself, in fact, you might as well embrace the authentic and wonderful person you are without apology.
One very important thing to note
If a person likes you for the fabrication of a personality you have invented, what’s the point? I would rather have a few friends who love and accept me as I am than a lot of friends who will never accept the real me. Be proud of who you are. It is true that some people won’t be fans of your authentic self, but it’s also true that the ones who matter will stand by your side no matter what.
The Good News
There is room for change and for growth! There is usually an underlying reason why we so desperately wear masks and pretend to be someone were not. Understanding this problem gives us an edge because Instead of wasting energy pretending to be someone else, we can in fact change, create and become the person we want to be.
I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier. Oprah Winfrey
How to Create the person you want to be
- Self Exploration
If you are not satisfied with your habits, routines, the way you talk, the way you look, or your personality traits – then you can definitely change and work on it. Accept yourself first, stop judging and devise a plan. Research shows that our self-esteem rises the moment we stop being so hard on ourselves.
2. Focus on Yourself
Instead of looking at other people and working hard to be like them, you should focus on yourself. Remember, loving yourself is not selfish. You cannot expect to love others if you don’t love yourself. This means setting your own standards and metrics to measure your success.
3. Get Inspired- Self Curation
People, you idolize are not perfect at all, instead of aiming to be a second-hand copycat aim for creating the person you want to be. Make a list of people you admire pick the traits or habits in each of them, learn those traits, and integrate them into your life. In essence, you create the new you.
4. Confront your Fears
Fear is a part of life however you don’t need to give it too much power over you. Fear is not a plague, it can however play with our thoughts- It can overestimate the outcome and underestimate reality. So don’t be afraid to make changes and adjustments. Write a list of the things you’ve been meaning to do, take baby steps. Don’t be afraid to fail, look at failure as a teacher that points us in the right direction-be bold. Know that a big victory is made up of many small victories.
5. Create a Positive Environment
Focus on the positive aspects of life. Surround yourself with positivity. Your company, your mentors, your thoughts will determine how high you go in your personal and professional life.
6. Forgive Yourself
You cannot grow and prosper without forgiving yourself and others. Remember, forgiveness is a selfish act. You forgive others so that you can have enough energy to focus on your growth and improvement. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and for the mistakes others have made towards you. No one is perfect.
7. Focus on Progress
Forget about the ideal. Perfection will not take you to the next level. When you focus on your progress, you’ll eventually become successful. Keep in mind that there will always be room for improvement no matter how well you do something.
8. Develop Grit
Life is full of challenges, when you fall, you have to get up and keep on moving. Everyone falls at one point in their lives- when we fail, we learn more about ourselves than when we succeed. There’s always room for change. At the end of the day, celebrate for having the courage to go after what you want.
- Don’t Aim to Please Others
- Don’t Worry About How Others View You
- Learn More About Yourself
- Appreciate Who You Are
- Be Confident with Who You Are
- Forgive Yourself
- Stop Being Negative About Yourself
- Find a Hobby That You Love
- Learn from Your Mistakes
- Strive for What You Want to Accomplish
One thing to remember is that you only have one life. In this world there is only one you, and you are here for a purpose- to leave your mark.
Instead of hiding in the shadows, choose to become the best person you can be so you don’t have to apologize for being you. For more ways to do this, check out my post on Life by Design and A guided process on how to change your Life.