Lifestyle Related Blog.Why Authenticity Goes Against The Pain Of Hiding Your True Self

Why Authenticity Goes Against The Pain Of Hiding Your True Self

Do you sometimes feel like you’re not being yourself? Like you’re hiding who you are? Like your trying to be someone you’re not? Fakeness. We all know what it looks like. We all know what it feels like. The pain of hiding our true selves just to gain validation, acceptance, and a sense of belongingness feels terrible.

We’ve all been guilty of pretending to be people we’re not. Whether out of fear, lack of self-esteem or the desire to be accepted, putting on a mask is sometimes the only choice. The problem is when we wear a mask for so long we have a tendency to forget what’s underneath. We forget who we are.

It’s draining to play a different role for every audience you come across during the day, and it’s easy to lose track of your true self. Have you tried looking at yourself in the mirror and asking “Who are you?”. Are you starting to wonder where’s the Authentic you?

Standards of an Imperfect Society

Sadly, society has set a standard that is really not applicable to everyone. And because of this, we set the bar too high or too low for ourselves- We like to compare, compete, judge and worse give up and thus we wear that mask tight each day. We forget that everyone has flaws including the people we perceive to be perfect.

The Pitfalls of Pretending to be Someone You’re Not

Shape-shifting your personality to fit other people’s standards is a sure-fire way to wreck your self-esteem. How could you be confident in who you really are when you’re making such a supreme effort to hide your authentic self from the world?

It’s understandable why people put in the effort to please others, I mean who doesn’t want to be liked and accepted? But if you’re bending over backward in an effort to make every single person happy, you’re in for a disappointment, people-pleasing is an exhausting activity, and no matter how perfect you portray yourself to be there’s still no way to please everyone. 

So when you “fake it till you make it” make sure it benefits you long term, because you become and you attract who you project.

When you tread the line between authenticity and fakeness you can lose your true self in the middle.

Disadvantages of Hiding your True Self

1. The Person likes you for the Fabrication of a Personality you have Invented.

It’s better to have a few friends who love and accept you for who you are than to have a lot of friends who will never accept the real you. Be proud of who you are. It is true that some people won’t be fans of your authentic self, but it’s also true that the ones who matter will stand by your side no matter what.

2. Fame is the Opposite of being Authentic. 

Being famous requires being accepted by the masses. You stop being YOU to become everyone else’s fantasy.

Are you curious if people would accept and support you for just being yourself? Do you think you could be much more successful and uniquely valuable just by being you?

I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier. – Oprah Winfrey

3. The High Price of Fakeness

Do you know being fake comes at a high price? Yes, It will cost you your self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love. Simply accepting the person you are- your strengths and weaknesses and being proud of yourself is critical to your health and happiness.

Authenticity: Unmasking the Real You

There is usually an underlying reason why we so desperately wear masks and pretend to be someone were not. Understanding this problem gives us an edge because instead of wasting energy pretending to be someone else, we can in fact change, create and become the person we want to be. There is room for change and for growth!

Your True Self also called your real self, or original self is the most authentic version of you. Your Authentic Self is the “YOU” when you’re at your most open, vulnerable, and real. Your authenticity is the one thing (more than anything) that makes you unique.

Why Authenticity Goes Against The Pain Of Hiding Your True Self

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Developing your Authenticity

1. Self Exploration

If you are not satisfied with your habits, routines, the way you talk, the way you look, or your personality traits – then you can definitely change and work on it. Accept yourself first, stop judging and devise a plan. Research shows that our self-esteem rises the moment we stop being so hard on ourselves.

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2. Focus on Yourself

Instead of looking at other people and working hard to be like them, you should focus on yourself. Remember, loving yourself is not selfish. You cannot expect to love others if you don’t love yourself. This means setting your own standards and metrics to measure your success.

3. Get Inspired- Self Curation

People, you idolize are not perfect at all, instead of aiming to be a second-hand copycat aim for creating the person you want to be. Make a list of people you admire pick the traits or habits in each of them, learn those traits, and integrate them into your life. In essence, you create the new you.

4. Confront your Fears

Fear is a part of life however you don’t need to give it too much power over you. Fear is not a plague, it can however play with our thoughts- It can overestimate the outcome and underestimate reality. So don’t be afraid to make changes and adjustments. Write a list of the things you’ve been meaning to do, and take baby steps. Don’t be afraid to fail, look at failure as a teacher that points us in the right direction-be bold. Know that a big victory is made up of many small victories.

5. Create a Positive Environment

Focus on the positive aspects of life. Surround yourself with positivity. Your company, your mentors, and your thoughts will determine how high you go in your personal and professional life.

6. Forgive Yourself

You cannot grow and prosper without forgiving yourself and others. Remember, forgiveness is a selfish act. You forgive others so that you can have enough energy to focus on your growth and improvement. So forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and for the mistakes others have made towards you. No one is perfect.

7. Focus on Progress

Forget about the ideal. Perfection will not take you to the next level. When you focus on your progress, you’ll eventually become successful. Keep in mind that there will always be room for improvement no matter how well you do something.

8. Develop Grit

Life is full of challenges, when you fall, you have to get up and keep on moving. Everyone falls at one point in their lives- when we fail, we learn more about ourselves than when we succeed. There’s always room for change. At the end of the day, celebrate for having the courage to go after what you want.

9. Build your Self-Worth 

Realize that you will never be “good enough” for everyone, so stop trying to be and refocus that energy on accepting all that you are.

Having An Authentic Attitude

  • Don’t Aim to Please Others
  • Don’t Worry About How Others View You
  • Learn More About Yourself
  • Appreciate Who You Are
  • Be Confident with Who You Are
  • Forgive Yourself
  • Stop Being Negative About Yourself
  • Find a Hobby That You Love
  • Learn from Your Mistakes
  • Strive for What You Want to Accomplish

One thing to remember is that you only have one life, there is only one you, and you are here for a purpose- to leave your mark, your legacy. So instead of hiding in the shadows, choose to become the best person you can be so you don’t have to apologize for being you.

For more ways to do this, build your Self-Esteem. 11 WAYS A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM CHANGES THE TRAJECTORY OF YOUR LIFE

20 Comments

  • Rachel June 24, 2021 at 11:26 am

    I love all these pointers in finding your true self. I’m a school counselor and strive to teach my students this everyday.

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  • Roxana Borcsa June 30, 2021 at 8:37 am

    Time to come out of the shadow and be yourself! I absolutely loved it especially because all my life I believed in authenticity and now I am helping people truly discover themselves and become authentic.
    As you pointed out very well: Instead of wasting energy pretending to be someone else, we can in fact change, create and become the person we want to be. If we only focus on the deep meaning of this words, we will discover new things about us!

    • Lani June 30, 2021 at 11:06 pm

      Hello Roxana,

      I absolutely loved your comment. I am on this journey of becoming the person I want to be, live the life I want to live, and just be authentic and proud of myself. I am happy to hear that you are helping people in self-discovery and authenticity. May you be blessed for your efforts.
      If you enjoyed this post, do check out my other inspiring posts. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

  • Marnie July 12, 2021 at 8:12 am

    This is such an insightful post! I love your tips for creating who you want to be. It’s a real paradox that we put on masks to be who we think we want to be, but the best way to achieve that is to take our mask off. thank you! xx

  • Aditi Jain August 26, 2021 at 2:05 pm

    It really becomes easy overtime when you just try to be yourself instead of being someone else.

    • Lani August 27, 2021 at 6:33 am

      Hi Adidti,

      I absolutely agree. Accepting ourselves and having the choice to be better instead of pleasing others can be so liberating.

  • Jimmy Clare | CrazyFitnessGuy August 26, 2021 at 2:58 pm

    I used to hide behind my brand and write in 3rd person. But once I finally showing people who really writes for my website they really started to engage with it and started to following me.

    • Lani August 27, 2021 at 6:34 am

      Hi Jimmy,

      Thanks for the wonderful comment. We are in the same boat!

  • Evie August 27, 2021 at 4:50 am

    This is such a beautiful post. I wish the entire world could embrace it. It’s so much more powerful to be you than any pretend persona you could create. Plus the time it would take to be what you think everyone needs. Just be you and let the world love you for who you are.

    • Lani August 27, 2021 at 6:35 am

      Hi Evie,

      Absolutely love your comment and 100% agree. Thanks

  • Fransic verso August 19, 2022 at 2:18 pm

    Interesting tips, I agree with you we need to explore and find habits we like and things we need to improve.

    • Lani August 23, 2022 at 6:45 am

      Hi Fransic,

      Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you enjoyed this post.

  • Lindsey August 19, 2022 at 5:39 pm

    Such a beautiful post that I will read again! Thank you for sharing!

    • Lani August 23, 2022 at 6:44 am

      Hi Lindsey,

      I’m Glad you enjoyed this post. It’s definitely worth reading.

  • nia August 25, 2022 at 3:59 pm

    Great post and really love the message here! When i became more authentic, I also attracted the people around me who liked me for me and that was so special. Really encouraging and positive post. Thank you for this!

    • Lani August 26, 2022 at 9:14 am

      Hi Nia,

      I’m happy to hear the changes that happened in your life once you started to just be authentically you. I’m glad you enjoyed this post. Thanks for the support.

  • Ruth August 28, 2022 at 9:53 am

    Thanks for this great post. I have been really working on being more comfortable and confident about myself. Life is definitely too short to waste time hiding in the shadows! Lots of great tips that I look forward to referring back to.

    • Lani September 5, 2022 at 5:24 am

      Hi Ruth,

      I’m glad you enjoyed this post, I’m glad you got some tips along the way!

  • OneLatteTooMany August 28, 2022 at 11:17 pm

    Great post! Being our true selves takes a lot of courage.

    • Lani August 30, 2022 at 8:09 am

      Hi,

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comment.

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